TheywalkedtowardstheLucases, becauseKittywishedtocalluponMaria; andasElizabethsawnooccasionformakingit a generalconcern, whenKittyleftthemshewentboldlyonwithhimalone. Nowwasthemomentforherresolutiontobeexecuted, and, whilehercouragewashigh, sheimmediatelysaid:
2
"Mr. Darcy, I am a veryselfishcreature; and, forthesakeofgivingrelieftomyownfeelings, carenothowmuch I maybewoundingyours. I cannolongerhelpthankingyouforyourunexampledkindnesstomypoorsister. Eversince I haveknownit, I havebeenmostanxioustoacknowledgetoyouhowgratefully I feelit. Wereitknowntotherestofmyfamily, I shouldnothavemerelymyowngratitudetoexpress."
3
"I amsorry, exceedinglysorry," repliedDarcy, in a toneofsurpriseandemotion, "thatyouhaveeverbeeninformedofwhatmay, in a mistakenlight, havegivenyouuneasiness. I didnotthinkMrs. Gardinerwassolittletobetrusted."
4
"Youmustnotblamemyaunt. Lydia's thoughtlessnessfirstbetrayedtomethatyouhadbeenconcernedinthematter; and, ofcourse, I couldnotresttill I knewtheparticulars. Letmethankyouagainandagain, inthenameofallmyfamily, forthatgenerouscompassionwhichinducedyoutotakesomuchtrouble, andbearsomanymortifications, forthesakeofdiscoveringthem."
5
"Ifyouwillthankme," hereplied, "letitbeforyourselfalone. Thatthewishofgivinghappinesstoyoumightaddforcetotheotherinducementswhichledmeon, I shallnotattempttodeny. Butyourfamilyowemenothing. Muchas I respectthem, I believe I thoughtonlyofyou."
6
Elizabethwastoomuchembarrassedtosay a word. After a shortpause, hercompanionadded, "Youaretoogeneroustotriflewithme. IfyourfeelingsarestillwhattheywerelastApril, tellmesoatonce. Myaffectionsandwishesareunchanged, butonewordfromyouwillsilencemeonthissubjectforever."
"Ittaughtmetohope," saidhe, "as I hadscarcelyeverallowedmyselftohopebefore. I knewenoughofyourdispositiontobecertainthat, hadyoubeenabsolutely, irrevocablydecidedagainstme, youwouldhaveacknowledgedittoLadyCatherine, franklyandopenly."
10
Elizabethcolouredandlaughedasshereplied, "Yes, youknowenoughofmyfranknesstobelievemecapableofthat. Afterabusingyousoabominablytoyourface, I couldhavenoscrupleinabusingyoutoallyourrelations."
11
"Whatdidyousayofme, that I didnotdeserve? For, thoughyouraccusationswereill-founded, formedonmistakenpremises, mybehaviourtoyouatthetimehadmeritedtheseverestreproof. Itwasunpardonable. I cannotthinkofitwithoutabhorrence."
12
"Wewillnotquarrelforthegreatershareofblameannexedtothatevening," saidElizabeth. "Theconductofneither, ifstrictlyexamined, willbeirreproachable; butsincethen, wehaveboth, I hope, improvedincivility."
13
"I cannotbesoeasilyreconciledtomyself. Therecollectionofwhat I thensaid, ofmyconduct, mymanners, myexpressionsduringthewholeofit, isnow, andhasbeenmanymonths, inexpressiblypainfultome. Yourreproof, sowellapplied, I shallneverforget: 'hadyoubehavedin a moregentlemanlikemanner.' Thosewereyourwords. Youknownot, youcanscarcelyconceive, howtheyhavetorturedme;—thoughitwassometime, I confess, before I wasreasonableenoughtoallowtheirjustice."
14
"I wascertainlyveryfarfromexpectingthemtomakesostronganimpression. I hadnotthesmallestideaoftheirbeingeverfeltinsuch a way."
15
"I caneasilybelieveit. Youthoughtmethendevoidofeveryproperfeeling, I amsureyoudid. Theturnofyourcountenance I shallneverforget, asyousaidthat I couldnothaveaddressedyouinanypossiblewaythatwouldinduceyoutoacceptme."
16
"Oh! donotrepeatwhat I thensaid. Theserecollectionswillnotdoatall. I assureyouthat I havelongbeenmostheartilyashamedofit."
"I knew," saidhe, "thatwhat I wrotemustgiveyoupain, butitwasnecessary. I hopeyouhavedestroyedtheletter. Therewasonepartespecially, theopeningofit, which I shoulddreadyourhavingthepowerofreadingagain. I canremembersomeexpressionswhichmightjustlymakeyouhateme."
20
"Thelettershallcertainlybeburnt, ifyoubelieveitessentialtothepreservationofmyregard; but, thoughwehavebothreasontothinkmyopinionsnotentirelyunalterable, theyarenot, I hope, quitesoeasilychangedasthatimplies."
21
"When I wrotethatletter," repliedDarcy, "I believedmyselfperfectlycalmandcool, but I amsinceconvincedthatitwaswrittenin a dreadfulbitternessofspirit."
"I cannotgiveyoucreditforanyphilosophyofthekind. Yourretrospectionsmustbesototallyvoidofreproach, thatthecontentmentarisingfromthemisnotofphilosophy, but, whatismuchbetter, ofinnocence. Butwithme, itisnotso. Painfulrecollectionswillintrudewhichcannot, whichoughtnot, toberepelled. I havebeen a selfishbeingallmylife, inpractice, thoughnotinprinciple. As a child I wastaughtwhatwasright, but I wasnottaughttocorrectmytemper. I wasgivengoodprinciples, butlefttofollowtheminprideandconceit. Unfortunatelyanonlyson (formanyyearsanonlychild), I wasspoiltbymyparents, who, thoughgoodthemselves (myfather, particularly, allthatwasbenevolentandamiable), allowed, encouraged, almosttaughtmetobeselfishandoverbearing; tocarefornonebeyondmyownfamilycircle; tothinkmeanlyofalltherestoftheworld; towishatleasttothinkmeanlyoftheirsenseandworthcomparedwithmyown. Such I was, fromeighttoeightandtwenty; andsuch I mightstillhavebeenbutforyou, dearest, loveliestElizabeth! Whatdo I notoweyou! Youtaughtme a lesson, hardindeedatfirst, butmostadvantageous. Byyou, I wasproperlyhumbled. I cametoyouwithout a doubtofmyreception. Youshowedmehowinsufficientwereallmypretensionstoplease a womanworthyofbeingpleased."
24
"Hadyouthenpersuadedyourselfthat I should?"
25
"Indeed I had. Whatwillyouthinkofmyvanity? I believedyoutobewishing, expectingmyaddresses."
26
"Mymannersmusthavebeeninfault, butnotintentionally, I assureyou. I nevermeanttodeceiveyou, butmyspiritsmightoftenleadmewrong. Howyoumusthavehatedmeafterthatevening?"
27
"Hateyou! I wasangryperhapsatfirst, butmyangersoonbegantotake a properdirection."
28
"I amalmostafraidofaskingwhatyouthoughtofme, whenwemetatPemberley. Youblamedmeforcoming?"
29
"Noindeed; I feltnothingbutsurprise."
30
"Yoursurprisecouldnotbegreaterthanmineinbeingnoticedbyyou. Myconsciencetoldmethat I deservednoextraordinarypoliteness, and I confessthat I didnotexpecttoreceivemorethanmydue."
31
"Myobjectthen," repliedDarcy, "wastoshowyou, byeverycivilityinmypower, that I wasnotsomeanastoresentthepast; and I hopedtoobtainyourforgiveness, tolessenyourillopinion, bylettingyouseethatyourreproofshadbeenattendedto. Howsoonanyotherwishesintroducedthemselves I canhardlytell, but I believeinabouthalfanhourafter I hadseenyou."
32
HethentoldherofGeorgiana's delightinheracquaintance, andofherdisappointmentatitssuddeninterruption; whichnaturallyleadingtothecauseofthatinterruption, shesoonlearntthathisresolutionoffollowingherfromDerbyshireinquestofhersisterhadbeenformedbeforehequittedtheinn, andthathisgravityandthoughtfulnesstherehadarisenfromnootherstrugglesthanwhatsuch a purposemustcomprehend.
33
Sheexpressedhergratitudeagain, butitwastoopainful a subjecttoeach, tobedweltonfarther.
34
Afterwalkingseveralmilesin a leisurelymanner, andtoobusytoknowanythingaboutit, theyfoundatlast, onexaminingtheirwatches, thatitwastimetobeathome.
35
"WhatcouldbecomeofMr. BingleyandJane!" was a wonderwhichintroducedthediscussionoftheiraffairs. Darcywasdelightedwiththeirengagement; hisfriendhadgivenhimtheearliestinformationofit.
36
"I mustaskwhetheryouweresurprised?" saidElizabeth.
37
"Notatall. When I wentaway, I feltthatitwouldsoonhappen."
38
"Thatistosay, youhadgivenyourpermission. I guessedasmuch." Andthoughheexclaimedattheterm, shefoundthatithadbeenprettymuchthecase.
39
"OntheeveningbeforemygoingtoLondon," saidhe, "I made a confessiontohim, which I believe I oughttohavemadelongago. I toldhimofallthathadoccurredtomakemyformerinterferenceinhisaffairsabsurdandimpertinent. Hissurprisewasgreat. Hehadneverhadtheslightestsuspicion. I toldhim, moreover, that I believedmyselfmistakeninsupposing, as I haddone, thatyoursisterwasindifferenttohim; andas I couldeasilyperceivethathisattachmenttoherwasunabated, I feltnodoubtoftheirhappinesstogether."
"Fromtheformer. I hadnarrowlyobservedherduringthetwovisitswhich I hadlatelymadehere; and I wasconvincedofheraffection."
43
"Andyourassuranceofit, I suppose, carriedimmediateconvictiontohim."
44
"Itdid. Bingleyismostunaffectedlymodest. Hisdiffidencehadpreventedhisdependingonhisownjudgmentinsoanxious a case, buthisrelianceonminemadeeverythingeasy. I wasobligedtoconfessonething, whichfor a time, andnotunjustly, offendedhim. I couldnotallowmyselftoconcealthatyoursisterhadbeenintownthreemonthslastwinter, that I hadknownit, andpurposelykeptitfromhim. Hewasangry. Buthisanger, I ampersuaded, lastednolongerthanheremainedinanydoubtofyoursister's sentiments. Hehasheartilyforgivenmenow."