Therestofthestoryneednotbeshowninaction, andindeed, wouldhardlyneedtellingifourimaginationswerenotsoenfeebledbytheirlazydependenceontheready-makesandreach-me-downsoftheragshopinwhichRomancekeepsitsstockof "happyendings" tomisfitallstories. Now, thehistoryofElizaDoolittle, thoughcalled a romancebecauseofthetransfigurationitrecordsseemsexceedinglyimprobable, iscommonenough. SuchtransfigurationshavebeenachievedbyhundredsofresolutelyambitiousyoungwomensinceNellGwynnesetthemtheexamplebyplayingqueensandfascinatingkingsinthetheatreinwhichshebeganbysellingoranges. Nevertheless, peopleinalldirectionshaveassumed, fornootherreasonthanthatshebecametheheroineof a romance, thatshemusthavemarriedtheheroofit. Thisisunbearable, notonlybecauseherlittledrama, ifactedonsuch a thoughtlessassumption, mustbespoiled, butbecausethetruesequelispatenttoanyonewith a senseofhumannatureingeneral, andoffeminineinstinctinparticular.
1
Eliza, intellingHigginsshewouldnotmarryhimifheaskedher, wasnotcoquetting: shewasannouncing a well-considereddecision. When a bachelorinterests, anddominates, andteaches, andbecomesimportantto a spinster, asHigginswithEliza, shealways, ifshehascharacterenoughtobecapableofit, considersveryseriouslyindeedwhethershewillplayforbecomingthatbachelor's wife, especiallyifheissolittleinterestedinmarriagethat a determinedanddevotedwomanmightcapturehimifshesetherselfresolutelytodoit. Herdecisionwilldepend a gooddealonwhethersheisreallyfreetochoose; andthat, again, willdependonherageandincome. Ifsheisattheendofheryouth, andhasnosecurityforherlivelihood, shewillmarryhimbecauseshemustmarryanybodywhowillprovideforher. ButatEliza's age a good-lookinggirldoesnotfeelthatpressure; shefeelsfreetopickandchoose. Sheisthereforeguidedbyherinstinctinthematter. Eliza's instincttellshernottomarryHiggins. Itdoesnottellhertogivehimup. Itisnotintheslightestdoubtastohisremainingoneofthestrongestpersonalinterestsinherlife. Itwouldbeverysorelystrainediftherewasanotherwomanlikelytosupplantherwithhim. Butasshefeelssureofhimonthatlastpoint, shehasnodoubtatallastohercourse, andwouldnothaveany, evenifthedifferenceoftwentyyearsinage, whichseemssogreattoyouth, didnotexistbetweenthem.
2
Asourowninstinctsarenotappealedtobyherconclusion, letusseewhetherwecannotdiscoversomereasoninit. WhenHigginsexcusedhisindifferencetoyoungwomenonthegroundthattheyhadanirresistiblerivalinhismother, hegavethecluetohisinveterateold-bachelordom. Thecaseisuncommononlytotheextentthatremarkablemothersareuncommon. Ifanimaginativeboyhas a sufficientlyrichmotherwhohasintelligence, personalgrace, dignityofcharacterwithoutharshness, and a cultivatedsenseofthebestartofhertimetoenablehertomakeherhousebeautiful, shesets a standardforhimagainstwhichveryfewwomencanstruggle, besideseffectingforhim a disengagementofhisaffections, hissenseofbeauty, andhisidealismfromhisspecificallysexualimpulses. Thismakeshim a standingpuzzletothehugenumberofuncultivatedpeoplewhohavebeenbroughtupintastelesshomesbycommonplaceordisagreeableparents, andtowhom, consequently, literature, painting, sculpture, music, andaffectionatepersonalrelationscomeasmodesofsexiftheycomeatall. Thewordpassionmeansnothingelsetothem; andthatHigginscouldhave a passionforphoneticsandidealizehismotherinsteadofEliza, wouldseemtothemabsurdandunnatural. Nevertheless, whenwelookroundandseethathardlyanyoneistoouglyordisagreeabletofind a wifeor a husbandifheorshewantsone, whilstmanyoldmaidsandbachelorsareabovetheaverageinqualityandculture, wecannothelpsuspectingthatthedisentanglementofsexfromtheassociationswithwhichitissocommonlyconfused, a disentanglementwhichpersonsofgeniusachievebysheerintellectualanalysis, issometimesproducedoraidedbyparentalfascination.
3
Now, thoughElizawasincapableofthusexplainingtoherselfHiggins's formidablepowersofresistancetothecharmthatprostratedFreddyatthefirstglance, shewasinstinctivelyawarethatshecouldneverobtain a completegripofhim, orcomebetweenhimandhismother (thefirstnecessityofthemarriedwoman). Toputitshortly, sheknewthatforsomemysteriousreasonhehadnotthemakingsof a marriedmaninhim, accordingtoherconceptionof a husbandasonetowhomshewouldbehisnearestandfondestandwarmestinterest. Evenhadtherebeennomother-rival, shewouldstillhaverefusedtoacceptaninterestinherselfthatwassecondarytophilosophicinterests. HadMrs. Higginsdied, therewouldstillhavebeenMiltonandtheUniversalAlphabet. Landor's remarkthattothosewhohavethegreatestpowerofloving, loveis a secondaryaffair, wouldnothaverecommendedLandortoEliza. PutthatalongwithherresentmentofHiggins's domineeringsuperiority, andhermistrustofhiscoaxingclevernessingettingroundherandevadingherwrathwhenhehadgonetoofarwithhisimpetuousbullying, andyouwillseethatEliza's instincthadgoodgroundsforwarninghernottomarryherPygmalion.
4
Andnow, whomdidElizamarry? ForifHigginswas a predestinateoldbachelor, shewasmostcertainlynot a predestinateoldmaid. Well, thatcanbetoldveryshortlytothosewhohavenotguesseditfromtheindicationsshehasherselfgiventhem.
5
AlmostimmediatelyafterElizaisstungintoproclaimingherconsidereddeterminationnottomarryHiggins, shementionsthefactthatyoungMr. FrederickEynsfordHillispouringouthisloveforherdailythroughthepost. NowFreddyisyoung, practicallytwentyyearsyoungerthanHiggins: heis a gentleman (or, asElizawouldqualifyhim, a toff), andspeakslikeone; heisnicelydressed, istreatedbytheColonelasanequal, lovesherunaffectedly, andisnothermaster, noreverlikelytodominateherinspiteofhisadvantageofsocialstanding. Elizahasnouseforthefoolishromantictraditionthatallwomenlovetobemastered, ifnotactuallybulliedandbeaten. "Whenyougotowomen," saysNietzsche, "takeyourwhipwithyou." Sensibledespotshaveneverconfinedthatprecautiontowomen: theyhavetakentheirwhipswiththemwhentheyhavedealtwithmen, andbeenslavishlyidealizedbythemenoverwhomtheyhaveflourishedthewhipmuchmorethanbywomen. Nodoubtthereareslavishwomenaswellasslavishmen; andwomen, likemen, admirethosethatarestrongerthanthemselves. Buttoadmire a strongpersonandtoliveunderthatstrongperson's thumbaretwodifferentthings. Theweakmaynotbeadmiredandhero-worshipped; buttheyarebynomeansdislikedorshunned; andtheyneverseemtohavetheleastdifficultyinmarryingpeoplewhoaretoogoodforthem. Theymayfailinemergencies; butlifeisnotonelongemergency: itismostly a stringofsituationsforwhichnoexceptionalstrengthisneeded, andwithwhichevenratherweakpeoplecancopeiftheyhave a strongerpartnertohelpthemout. Accordingly, itis a trutheverywhereinevidencethatstrongpeople, masculineorfeminine, notonlydonotmarrystrongerpeople, butdonotshowanypreferencefortheminselectingtheirfriends. When a lionmeetsanotherwith a louderroar "thefirstlionthinksthelast a bore." Themanorwomanwhofeelsstrongenoughfortwo, seeksforeveryotherqualityin a partnerthanstrength.
Thisbeingthestateofhumanaffairs, whatisElizafairlysuretodowhensheisplacedbetweenFreddyandHiggins? Willshelookforwardto a lifetimeoffetchingHiggins's slippersorto a lifetimeofFreddyfetchinghers? Therecanbenodoubtabouttheanswer. UnlessFreddyisbiologicallyrepulsivetoher, andHigginsbiologicallyattractiveto a degreethatoverwhelmsallherotherinstincts, shewill, ifshemarrieseitherofthem, marryFreddy.
8
AndthatisjustwhatElizadid.
9
Complicationsensued; buttheywereeconomic, notromantic. Freddyhadnomoneyandnooccupation. Hismother's jointure, a lastrelicoftheopulenceofLargeladyPark, hadenabledhertostrugglealonginEarlscourtwithanairofgentility, butnottoprocureanyserioussecondaryeducationforherchildren, muchlessgivetheboy a profession. A clerkshipatthirtyshillings a weekwasbeneathFreddy's dignity, andextremelydistastefultohimbesides. Hisprospectsconsistedof a hopethatifhekeptupappearancessomebodywoulddosomethingforhim. Thesomethingappearedvaguelytohisimaginationas a privatesecretaryshipor a sinecureofsomesort. Tohismotheritperhapsappearedas a marriagetosomeladyofmeanswhocouldnotresistherboy's niceness. Fancyherfeelingswhenhemarried a flowergirlwhohadbecomedeclasseeunderextraordinarycircumstanceswhichwerenownotorious!
10
ItistruethatEliza's situationdidnotseemwhollyineligible. Herfather, thoughformerly a dustman, andnowfantasticallydisclassed, hadbecomeextremelypopularinthesmartestsocietyby a socialtalentwhichtriumphedovereveryprejudiceandeverydisadvantage. Rejectedbythemiddleclass, whichheloathed, hehadshotupatonceintothehighestcirclesbyhiswit, hisdustmanship (whichhecarriedlike a banner), andhisNietzscheantranscendenceofgoodandevil. AtintimateducaldinnershesatontherighthandoftheDuchess; andincountryhouseshesmokedinthepantryandwasmademuchofbythebutlerwhenhewasnotfeedinginthedining-roomandbeingconsultedbycabinetministers. Buthefounditalmostashardtodoallthisonfourthousand a yearasMrs. EynsfordHilltoliveinEarlscourtonanincomesopitiablysmallerthat I havenotthehearttodiscloseitsexactfigure. HeabsolutelyrefusedtoaddthelaststrawtohisburdenbycontributingtoEliza's support.
11
ThusFreddyandEliza, nowMr. andMrs. EynsfordHill, wouldhavespent a pennilesshoneymoonbutfor a weddingpresentof 500 poundsfromtheColoneltoEliza. Itlasted a longtimebecauseFreddydidnotknowhowtospendmoney, neverhavinghadanytospend, andEliza, sociallytrainedby a pairofoldbachelors, woreherclothesaslongastheyheldtogetherandlookedpretty, withouttheleastregardtotheirbeingmanymonthsoutoffashion. Still, 500 poundswillnotlasttwoyoungpeopleforever; andtheybothknew, andElizafeltaswell, thattheymustshiftforthemselvesintheend. ShecouldquarterherselfonWimpoleStreetbecauseithadcometobeherhome; butshewasquiteawarethatsheoughtnottoquarterFreddythere, andthatitwouldnotbegoodforhischaracterifshedid.
12
NotthattheWimpoleStreetbachelorsobjected. Whensheconsultedthem, Higginsdeclinedtobebotheredaboutherhousingproblemwhenthatsolutionwassosimple. Eliza's desiretohaveFreddyinthehousewithherseemedofnomoreimportancethanifshehadwantedanextrapieceofbedroomfurniture. PleasastoFreddy's character, andthemoralobligationonhimtoearnhisownliving, werelostonHiggins. HedeniedthatFreddyhadanycharacter, anddeclaredthatifhetriedtodoanyusefulworksomecompetentpersonwouldhavethetroubleofundoingit: a procedureinvolving a netlosstothecommunity, andgreatunhappinesstoFreddyhimself, whowasobviouslyintendedbyNatureforsuchlightworkasamusingEliza, which, Higginsdeclared, was a muchmoreusefulandhonorableoccupationthanworkinginthecity. WhenElizareferredagaintoherprojectofteachingphonetics, Higginsabatednot a jotofhisviolentoppositiontoit. Hesaidshewasnotwithintenyearsofbeingqualifiedtomeddlewithhispetsubject; andasitwasevidentthattheColonelagreedwithhim, shefeltshecouldnotgoagainsttheminthisgravematter, andthatshehadnoright, withoutHiggins's consent, toexploittheknowledgehehadgivenher; forhisknowledgeseemedtoherasmuchhisprivatepropertyashiswatch: Elizawasnocommunist. Besides, shewassuperstitiouslydevotedtothemboth, moreentirelyandfranklyafterhermarriagethanbeforeit.
13
ItwastheColonelwhofinallysolvedtheproblem, whichhadcosthimmuchperplexedcogitation. HeonedayaskedEliza, rathershyly, whethershehadquitegivenuphernotionofkeeping a flowershop. Sherepliedthatshehadthoughtofit, buthadputitoutofherhead, becausetheColonelhadsaid, thatdayatMrs. Higgins's, thatitwouldneverdo. TheColonelconfessedthatwhenhesaidthat, hehadnotquiterecoveredfromthedazzlingimpressionofthedaybefore. TheybrokethemattertoHigginsthatevening. Thesolecommentvouchsafedbyhimverynearlyledto a seriousquarrelwithEliza. ItwastotheeffectthatshewouldhaveinFreddyanidealerrandboy.
14
Freddyhimselfwasnextsoundedonthesubject. Hesaidhehadbeenthinkingof a shophimself; thoughithadpresenteditselftohispennilessnessas a smallplaceinwhichElizashouldselltobaccoatonecounterwhilsthesoldnewspapersattheoppositeone. ButheagreedthatitwouldbeextraordinarilyjollytogoearlyeverymorningwithElizatoCoventGardenandbuyflowersonthesceneoftheirfirstmeeting: a sentimentwhichearnedhimmanykissesfromhiswife. Headdedthathehadalwaysbeenafraidtoproposeanythingofthesort, becauseClarawouldmakeanawfulrowabout a stepthatmustdamagehermatrimonialchances, andhismothercouldnotbeexpectedtolikeitafterclingingforsomanyyearstothatstepofthesocialladderonwhichretailtradeisimpossible.
15
ThisdifficultywasremovedbyaneventhighlyunexpectedbyFreddy's mother. Clara, inthecourseofherincursionsintothoseartisticcircleswhichwerethehighestwithinherreach, discoveredthatherconversationalqualificationswereexpectedtoinclude a groundinginthenovelsofMr. H.G. Wells. Sheborrowedtheminvariousdirectionssoenergeticallythatsheswallowedthemallwithintwomonths. Theresultwas a conversionof a kindquitecommontoday. A modernActsoftheApostleswouldfillfiftywholeBiblesifanyonewerecapableofwritingit.
16
PoorClara, whoappearedtoHigginsandhismotheras a disagreeableandridiculousperson, andtoherownmotherasinsomeinexplicableway a socialfailure, hadneverseenherselfineitherlight; for, thoughtosomeextentridiculedandmimickedinWestKensingtonlikeeverybodyelsethere, shewasacceptedas a rationalandnormal—orshallwesayinevitable?—sortofhumanbeing. AtworsttheycalledherThePusher; buttothemnomorethantoherselfhaditeveroccurredthatshewaspushingtheair, andpushingitin a wrongdirection. Still, shewasnothappy. Shewasgrowingdesperate. Heroneasset, thefactthathermotherwaswhattheEpsomgreengrocercalled a carriageladyhadnoexchangevalue, apparently. Ithadpreventedherfromgettingeducated, becausetheonlyeducationshecouldhaveaffordedwaseducationwiththeEarlscourtgreengrocer's daughter. Ithadledhertoseekthesocietyofhermother's class; andthatclasssimplywouldnothaveher, becauseshewasmuchpoorerthanthegreengrocer, and, farfrombeingabletoafford a maid, couldnotaffordeven a housemaid, andhadtoscrapealongathomewithanilliberallytreatedgeneralservant. Undersuchcircumstancesnothingcouldgiveheranairofbeing a genuineproductofLargeladyPark. Andyetitstraditionmadeherregard a marriagewithanyonewithinherreachasanunbearablehumiliation. Commercialpeopleandprofessionalpeoplein a smallwaywereodioustoher. Sheranafterpaintersandnovelists; butshedidnotcharmthem; andherboldattemptstopickupandpractiseartisticandliterarytalkirritatedthem. Shewas, inshort, anutterfailure, anignorant, incompetent, pretentious, unwelcome, penniless, uselesslittlesnob; andthoughshedidnotadmitthesedisqualifications (fornobodyeverfacesunpleasanttruthsofthiskinduntilthepossibilityof a wayoutdawnsonthem) shefelttheireffectstookeenlytobesatisfiedwithherposition.
17
Clarahad a startlingeyeopenerwhen, onbeingsuddenlywakenedtoenthusiasmby a girlofherownagewhodazzledherandproducedinher a gushingdesiretotakeherfor a model, andgainherfriendship, shediscoveredthatthisexquisiteapparitionhadgraduatedfromthegutterin a fewmonths' time. Itshookhersoviolently, thatwhenMr. H. G. Wellsliftedheronthepointofhispuissantpen, andplacedherattheangleofviewfromwhichthelifeshewasleadingandthesocietytowhichsheclungappearedinitstruerelationtorealhumanneedsandworthysocialstructure, heeffected a conversionand a convictionofsincomparabletothemostsensationalfeatsofGeneralBoothorGypsySmith. Clara's snobberywentbang. Lifesuddenlybegantomovewithher. Withoutknowinghoworwhy, shebegantomakefriendsandenemies. Someoftheacquaintancestowhomshehadbeen a tediousorindifferentorridiculousaffliction, droppedher: othersbecamecordial. Toheramazementshefoundthatsome "quitenice" peopleweresaturatedwithWells, andthatthisaccessibilitytoideaswasthesecretoftheirniceness. Peopleshehadthoughtdeeplyreligious, andhadtriedtoconciliateonthattackwithdisastrousresults, suddenlytookaninterestinher, andrevealed a hostilitytoconventionalreligionwhichshehadneverconceivedpossibleexceptamongthemostdesperatecharacters. TheymadeherreadGalsworthy; andGalsworthyexposedthevanityofLargeladyParkandfinishedher. Itexasperatedhertothinkthatthedungeoninwhichshehadlanguishedforsomanyunhappyyearshadbeenunlockedallthetime, andthattheimpulsesshehadsocarefullystruggledwithandstifledforthesakeofkeepingwellwithsociety, werepreciselythosebywhichaloneshecouldhavecomeintoanysortofsincerehumancontact. Intheradianceofthesediscoveries, andthetumultoftheirreaction, shemade a foolofherselfasfreelyandconspicuouslyaswhenshesorashlyadoptedEliza's expletiveinMrs. Higgins's drawing-room; forthenew-bornWellsianhadtofindherbearingsalmostasridiculouslyas a baby; butnobodyhates a babyforitsineptitudes, orthinkstheworseofitfortryingtoeatthematches; andClaralostnofriendsbyherfollies. Theylaughedathertoherfacethistime; andshehadtodefendherselfandfightitoutasbestshecould.
18
WhenFreddypaid a visittoEarlscourt (whichheneverdidwhenhecouldpossiblyhelpit) tomakethedesolatingannouncementthatheandhisElizawerethinkingofblackeningtheLargeladyscutcheonbyopening a shop, hefoundthelittlehouseholdalreadyconvulsedby a priorannouncementfromClarathatshealsowasgoingtoworkinanoldfurnitureshopinDoverStreet, whichhadbeenstartedby a fellowWellsian. ThisappointmentClaraowed, afterall, toheroldsocialaccomplishmentofPush. Shehadmadeuphermindthat, costwhatitmight, shewouldseeMr. Wellsintheflesh; andshehadachievedherendat a gardenparty. Shehadbetterluckthansorashanenterprisedeserved. Mr. Wellscameuptoherexpectations. Agehadnotwitheredhim, norcouldcustomstalehisinfinitevarietyinhalfanhour. Hispleasantneatnessandcompactness, hissmallhandsandfeet, histeemingreadybrain, hisunaffectedaccessibility, and a certainfineapprehensivenesswhichstampedhimassusceptiblefromhistopmosthairtohistipmosttoe, provedirresistible. Claratalkedofnothingelseforweeksandweeksafterwards. Andasshehappenedtotalktotheladyofthefurnitureshop, andthatladyalsodesiredaboveallthingstoknowMr. Wellsandsellprettythingstohim, sheofferedClara a jobonthechanceofachievingthatendthroughher.
19
AndsoitcameaboutthatEliza's luckheld, andtheexpectedoppositiontotheflowershopmeltedaway. Theshopisinthearcadeof a railwaystationnotveryfarfromtheVictoriaandAlbertMuseum; andifyouliveinthatneighborhoodyoumaygothereanydayandbuy a buttonholefromEliza.
20
Nowhereis a lastopportunityforromance. Wouldyounotliketobeassuredthattheshopwasanimmensesuccess, thankstoEliza's charmsandherearlybusinessexperienceinCoventGarden? Alas! thetruthisthetruth: theshopdidnotpayfor a longtime, simplybecauseElizaandherFreddydidnotknowhowtokeepit. True, Elizahadnottobeginattheverybeginning: sheknewthenamesandpricesofthecheaperflowers; andherelationwasunboundedwhenshefoundthatFreddy, likeallyouthseducatedatcheap, pretentious, andthoroughlyinefficientschools, knew a littleLatin. Itwasverylittle, butenoughtomakehimappeartoher a PorsonorBentley, andtoputhimathiseasewithbotanicalnomenclature. Unfortunatelyheknewnothingelse; andEliza, thoughshecouldcountmoneyuptoeighteenshillingsorso, andhadacquired a certainfamiliaritywiththelanguageofMiltonfromherstrugglestoqualifyherselfforwinningHiggins's bet, couldnotwriteout a billwithoututterlydisgracingtheestablishment. Freddy's powerofstatinginLatinthatBalbusbuilt a wallandthatGaulwasdividedintothreepartsdidnotcarrywithittheslightestknowledgeofaccountsorbusiness: ColonelPickeringhadtoexplaintohimwhat a chequebookand a bankaccountmeant. Andthepairwerebynomeanseasilyteachable. FreddybackedupElizainherobstinaterefusaltobelievethattheycouldsavemoneybyengaging a bookkeeperwithsomeknowledgeofthebusiness. How, theyargued, couldyoupossiblysavemoneybygoingtoextraexpensewhenyoualreadycouldnotmakebothendsmeet? ButtheColonel, aftermakingtheendsmeetoverandoveragain, atlastgentlyinsisted; andEliza, humbledtothedustbyhavingtobegfromhimsooften, andstungbytheuproariousderisionofHiggins, towhomthenotionofFreddysucceedingatanythingwas a jokethatneverpalled, graspedthefactthatbusiness, likephonetics, hastobelearned.
21
Onthepiteousspectacleofthepairspendingtheireveningsinshorthandschoolsandpolytechnicclasses, learningbookkeepingandtypewritingwithincipientjuniorclerks, maleandfemale, fromtheelementaryschools, letmenotdwell. TherewereevenclassesattheLondonSchoolofEconomics, and a humblepersonalappealtothedirectorofthatinstitutiontorecommend a coursebearingontheflowerbusiness. He, being a humorist, explainedtothemthemethodofthecelebratedDickensianessayonChineseMetaphysicsbythegentlemanwhoreadanarticleonChinaandanarticleonMetaphysicsandcombinedtheinformation. HesuggestedthattheyshouldcombinetheLondonSchoolwithKewGardens. Eliza, towhomtheprocedureoftheDickensiangentlemanseemedperfectlycorrect (asinfactitwas) andnotintheleastfunny (whichwasonlyherignorance) tookhisadvicewithentiregravity. Buttheeffortthatcostherthedeepesthumiliationwas a requesttoHiggins, whosepetartisticfancy, nexttoMilton's verse, wascalligraphy, andwhohimselfwrote a mostbeautifulItalianhand, thathewouldteachhertowrite. Hedeclaredthatshewascongenitallyincapableofforming a singleletterworthyoftheleastofMilton's words; butshepersisted; andagainhesuddenlythrewhimselfintothetaskofteachingherwith a combinationofstormyintensity, concentratedpatience, andoccasionalburstsofinterestingdisquisitiononthebeautyandnobility, theaugustmissionanddestiny, ofhumanhandwriting. Elizaendedbyacquiringanextremelyuncommercialscriptwhichwas a positiveextensionofherpersonalbeauty, andspendingthreetimesasmuchonstationeryasanyoneelsebecausecertainqualitiesandshapesofpaperbecameindispensabletoher. Shecouldnotevenaddressanenvelopeintheusualwaybecauseitmadethemarginsallwrong.
22
Theircommercialschooldayswere a periodofdisgraceanddespairfortheyoungcouple. Theyseemedtobelearningnothingaboutflowershops. Atlasttheygaveitupashopeless, andshookthedustoftheshorthandschools, andthepolytechnics, andtheLondonSchoolofEconomicsfromtheirfeetforever. Besides, thebusinesswasinsomemysteriouswaybeginningtotakecareofitself. Theyhadsomehowforgottentheirobjectionstoemployingotherpeople. Theycametotheconclusionthattheirownwaywasthebest, andthattheyhadreally a remarkabletalentforbusiness. TheColonel, whohadbeencompelledforsomeyearstokeep a sufficientsumoncurrentaccountathisbankerstomakeuptheirdeficits, foundthattheprovisionwasunnecessary: theyoungpeoplewereprospering. Itistruethattherewasnotquitefairplaybetweenthemandtheircompetitorsintrade. Theirweek-endsinthecountrycostthemnothing, andsavedthemthepriceoftheirSundaydinners; forthemotorcarwastheColonel's; andheandHigginspaidthehotelbills. Mr. F. Hill, floristandgreengrocer (theysoondiscoveredthattherewasmoneyinasparagus; andasparagusledtoothervegetables), hadanairwhichstampedthebusinessasclassy; andinprivatelifehewasstillFrederickEynsfordHill, Esquire. Notthattherewasanyswankabouthim: nobodybutElizaknewthathehadbeenchristenedFrederickChalloner. Elizaherselfswankedlikeanything.