Butitwas a perilousthingforErmengardeandLottietomakepilgrimagestotheattic. TheycouldneverbequitesurewhenSarawouldbethere, andtheycouldscarcelyeverbecertainthatMissAmeliawouldnotmake a tourofinspectionthroughthebedroomsafterthepupilsweresupposedtobeasleep. Sotheirvisitswererareones, andSaralived a strangeandlonelylife. Itwas a lonelierlifewhenshewasdownstairsthanwhenshewasinherattic. Shehadnoonetotalkto; andwhenshewassentoutonerrandsandwalkedthroughthestreets, a forlornlittlefigurecarrying a basketor a parcel, tryingtoholdherhatonwhenthewindwasblowing, andfeelingthewatersoakthroughhershoeswhenitwasraining, shefeltasifthecrowdshurryingpasthermadeherlonelinessgreater. WhenshehadbeenthePrincessSara, drivingthroughthestreetsinherbrougham, orwalking, attendedbyMariette, thesightofherbright, eagerlittlefaceandpicturesquecoatsandhatshadoftencausedpeopletolookafterher. A happy, beautifullycaredforlittlegirlnaturallyattractsattention. Shabby, poorlydressedchildrenarenotrareenoughandprettyenoughtomakepeopleturnaroundtolookatthemandsmile. NoonelookedatSarainthesedays, andnooneseemedtoseeherasshehurriedalongthecrowdedpavements. Shehadbeguntogrowveryfast, and, asshewasdressedonlyinsuchclothesastheplainerremnantsofherwardrobewouldsupply, sheknewshelookedveryqueer, indeed. Allhervaluablegarmentshadbeendisposedof, andsuchashadbeenleftforheruseshewasexpectedtowearsolongasshecouldputthemonatall. Sometimes, whenshepassed a shopwindowwith a mirrorinit, shealmostlaughedoutrightoncatching a glimpseofherself, andsometimesherfacewentredandshebitherlipandturnedaway.
1
Intheevening, whenshepassedhouseswhosewindowswerelightedup, sheusedtolookintothewarmroomsandamuseherselfbyimaginingthingsaboutthepeopleshesawsittingbeforethefiresoraboutthetables. Italwaysinterestedhertocatchglimpsesofroomsbeforetheshutterswereclosed. TherewereseveralfamiliesinthesquareinwhichMissMinchinlived, withwhichshehadbecomequitefamiliarin a wayofherown. TheoneshelikedbestshecalledtheLargeFamily. ShecalledittheLargeFamilynotbecausethemembersofitwerebig -- for, indeed, mostofthemwerelittle -- butbecausethereweresomanyofthem. TherewereeightchildrenintheLargeFamily, and a stout, rosymother, and a stout, rosyfather, and a stout, rosygrandmother, andanynumberofservants. Theeightchildrenwerealwayseitherbeingtakenouttowalkortorideinperambulatorsbycomfortablenurses, ortheyweregoingtodrivewiththeirmamma, ortheywereflyingtothedoorintheeveningtomeettheirpapaandkisshimanddancearoundhimanddragoffhisovercoatandlookinthepocketsforpackages, ortheywerecrowdingaboutthenurserywindowsandlookingoutandpushingeachotherandlaughing -- infact, theywerealwaysdoingsomethingenjoyableandsuitedtothetastesof a largefamily. Sarawasquitefondofthem, andhadgiventhemnamesoutofbooks -- quiteromanticnames. ShecalledthemtheMontmorencyswhenshedidnotcallthemtheLargeFamily. Thefat, fairbabywiththelacecapwasEthelbertaBeauchampMontmorency; thenextbabywasVioletCholmondeleyMontmorency; thelittleboywhocouldjuststaggerandwhohadsuchroundlegswasSydneyCecilVivianMontmorency; andthencameLilianEvangelineMaudMarion, RosalindGladys, GuyClarence, VeronicaEustacia, andClaudeHaroldHector.
2
Oneevening a veryfunnythinghappened -- though, perhaps, inonesenseitwasnot a funnythingatall.
3
SeveraloftheMontmorencyswereevidentlygoingto a children's party, andjustasSarawasabouttopassthedoortheywerecrossingthepavementtogetintothecarriagewhichwaswaitingforthem. VeronicaEustaciaandRosalindGladys, inwhite-lacefrocksandlovelysashes, hadjustgotin, andGuyClarence, agedfive, wasfollowingthem. Hewassuch a prettyfellowandhadsuchrosycheeksandblueeyes, andsuch a darlinglittleroundheadcoveredwithcurls, thatSaraforgotherbasketandshabbycloakaltogether -- infact, forgoteverythingbutthatshewantedtolookathimfor a moment. Soshepausedandlooked.
4
ItwasChristmastime, andtheLargeFamilyhadbeenhearingmanystoriesaboutchildrenwhowerepoorandhadnomammasandpapastofilltheirstockingsandtakethemtothepantomime -- childrenwhowere, infact, coldandthinlycladandhungry. Inthestories, kindpeople -- sometimeslittleboysandgirlswithtenderhearts -- invariablysawthepoorchildrenandgavethemmoneyorrichgifts, ortookthemhometobeautifuldinners. GuyClarencehadbeenaffectedtotearsthatveryafternoonbythereadingofsuch a story, andhehadburnedwith a desiretofindsuch a poorchildandgiveher a certainsixpencehepossessed, andthusprovideforherforlife. Anentiresixpence, hewassure, wouldmeanaffluenceforevermore. Ashecrossedthestripofredcarpetlaidacrossthepavementfromthedoortothecarriage, hehadthisverysixpenceinthepocketofhisveryshortman-o-wartrousers; AndjustasRosalindGladysgotintothevehicleandjumpedontheseatinordertofeelthecushionsspringunderher, hesawSarastandingonthewetpavementinhershabbyfrockandhat, withheroldbasketonherarm, lookingathimhungrily.
5
Hethoughtthathereyeslookedhungrybecauseshehadperhapshadnothingtoeatfor a longtime. Hedidnotknowthattheylookedsobecauseshewashungryforthewarm, merrylifehishomeheldandhisrosyfacespokeof, andthatshehad a hungrywishtosnatchhiminherarmsandkisshim. Heonlyknewthatshehadbigeyesand a thinfaceandthinlegsand a commonbasketandpoorclothes. Soheputhishandinhispocketandfoundhissixpenceandwalkeduptoherbenignly.
6
"Here, poorlittlegirl," hesaid. "Hereis a sixpence. I willgiveittoyou."
7
Sarastarted, andallatoncerealizedthatshelookedexactlylikepoorchildrenshehadseen, inherbetterdays, waitingonthepavementtowatchherasshegotoutofherbrougham. Andshehadgiventhempenniesmany a time.
8
Herfacewentredandthenitwentpale, andfor a secondshefeltasifshecouldnottakethedearlittlesixpence.
9
"Oh, no!" shesaid. "Oh, no, thankyou; I mustn't takeit, indeed! "
10
Hervoicewassounlikeanordinarystreetchild's voiceandhermannerwassolikethemannerof a well-bredlittlepersonthatVeronicaEustacia (whoserealnamewasJanet) andRosalindGladys (whowasreallycalledNora) leanedforwardtolisten.
"Yes, youmusttakeit, poorlittlegirl!" heinsistedstoutly. "Youcanbuythingstoeatwithit. Itis a wholesixpence!"
13
Therewassomethingsohonestandkindinhisface, andhelookedsolikelytobeheartbrokenlydisappointedifshedidnottakeit, thatSaraknewshemustnotrefusehim. Tobeasproudasthatwouldbe a cruelthing. Sosheactuallyputherprideinherpocket, thoughitmustbeadmittedhercheeksburned.
14
"Thankyou," shesaid. "Youare a kind, kindlittledarlingthing." Andashescrambledjoyfullyintothecarriageshewentaway, tryingtosmile, thoughshecaughtherbreathquicklyandhereyeswereshiningthrough a mist. Shehadknownthatshelookedoddandshabby, butuntilnowshehadnotknownthatshemightbetakenfor a beggar.
"Oh, Donald," (thiswasGuyClarence's name), Janetexclaimedalarmedly, "whydidyouofferthatlittlegirlyoursixpence? I'm suresheisnot a beggar!"
17
"Shedidn't speaklike a beggar!" criedNora. "Andherfacedidn't reallylooklike a beggar's face!"
18
"Besides, shedidn't beg," saidJanet. "I wassoafraidshemightbeangrywithyou. Youknow, itmakespeopleangrytobetakenforbeggarswhentheyarenotbeggars."
19
"Shewasn't angry," saidDonald, a trifledismayed, butstillfirm. "Shelaughed a little, andshesaid I was a kind, kindlittledarlingthing. And I was!" -- stoutly. "Itwasmywholesixpence."
20
JanetandNoraexchangedglances.
21
"A beggargirlwouldneverhavesaidthat," decidedJanet. "Shewouldhavesaid, 'Thankyerkindly, littlegentleman -- thankyer, sir;' andperhapsshewouldhavebobbed a curtsy."
"Sheis a kindofservantattheseminary," Janetsaid. "I don't believeshebelongstoanybody. I believesheisanorphan. Butsheisnot a beggar, howevershabbyshelooks."
24
Andafterwardshewascalledbyallofthem, "The-little-girl-who-is-not-a-beggar," whichwas, ofcourse, rather a longname, andsoundedveryfunnysometimeswhentheyoungestonessaiditin a hurry.
25
Saramanagedtobore a holeinthesixpenceandhungitonanoldbitofnarrowribbonroundherneck. HeraffectionfortheLargeFamilyincreased -- as, indeed, heraffectionforeverythingshecouldloveincreased. ShegrewfonderandfonderofBecky, andsheusedtolookforwardtothetwomornings a weekwhenshewentintotheschoolroomtogivethelittleonestheirFrenchlesson. Hersmallpupilslovedher, andstrovewitheachotherfortheprivilegeofstandingclosetoherandinsinuatingtheirsmallhandsintohers. Itfedherhungryhearttofeelthemnestlinguptoher. Shemadesuchfriendswiththesparrowsthatwhenshestooduponthetable, putherheadandshouldersoutoftheatticwindow, andchirped, sheheardalmostimmediately a flutterofwingsandansweringtwitters, and a littleflockofdingytownbirdsappearedandalightedontheslatestotalktoherandmakemuchofthecrumbsshescattered. WithMelchisedecshehadbecomesointimatethatheactuallybroughtMrs. Melchisedecwithhimsometimes, andnowandthenoneortwoofhischildren. Sheusedtotalktohim, and, somehow, helookedquiteasifheunderstood.
26
Therehadgrowninhermindrather a strangefeelingaboutEmily, whoalwayssatandlookedonateverything. Itaroseinoneofhermomentsofgreatdesolateness. ShewouldhavelikedtobelieveorpretendtobelievethatEmilyunderstoodandsympathizedwithher. Shedidnotliketoowntoherselfthatheronlycompanioncouldfeelandhearnothing. Sheusedtoputherin a chairsometimesandsitoppositetoherontheoldredfootstool, andstareandpretendaboutheruntilherowneyeswouldgrowlargewithsomethingwhichwasalmostlikefear -- particularlyatnightwheneverythingwassostill, whentheonlysoundintheatticwastheoccasionalsuddenscurryandsqueakofMelchisedec's familyinthewall. Oneofher "pretends" wasthatEmilywas a kindofgoodwitchwhocouldprotecther. Sometimes, aftershehadstaredatheruntilshewaswroughtuptothehighestpitchoffancifulness, shewouldaskherquestionsandfindherselfalmostfeelingasifshewouldpresentlyanswer. Butsheneverdid.
27
"Astoanswering, though," saidSara, tryingtoconsoleherself, "I don't answerveryoften. I neveranswerwhen I canhelpit. Whenpeopleareinsultingyou, thereisnothingsogoodforthemasnottosay a word -- justtolookatthemandthink. MissMinchinturnspalewithragewhen I doit, MissAmelialooksfrightened, andsodothegirls. Whenyouwillnotflyinto a passionpeopleknowyouarestrongerthantheyare, becauseyouarestrongenoughtoholdinyourrage, andtheyarenot, andtheysaystupidthingstheywishtheyhadn't saidafterward. There's nothingsostrongasrage, exceptwhatmakesyouholditin -- that's stronger. It's a goodthingnottoansweryourenemies. I scarcelyeverdo. PerhapsEmilyismorelikemethan I amlikemyself. Perhapsshewouldrathernotanswerherfriends, even. Shekeepsitallinherheart."
28
Butthoughshetriedtosatisfyherselfwiththesearguments, shedidnotfinditeasy. When, after a long, hardday, inwhichshehadbeensenthereandthere, sometimesonlongerrandsthroughwindandcoldandrain, shecameinwetandhungry, andwassentoutagainbecausenobodychosetorememberthatshewasonly a child, andthatherslimlegsmightbetiredandhersmallbodymightbechilled; whenshehadbeengivenonlyharshwordsandcold, slightinglooksforthanks; whenthecookhadbeenvulgarandinsolent; whenMissMinchinhadbeeninherworstmood, andwhenshehadseenthegirlssneeringamongthemselvesathershabbiness -- thenshewasnotalwaysabletocomforthersore, proud, desolateheartwithfancieswhenEmilymerelysatuprightinheroldchairandstared.
29
Oneofthesenights, whenshecameuptotheatticcoldandhungry, with a tempestraginginheryoungbreast, Emily's stareseemedsovacant, hersawdustlegsandarmssoinexpressive, thatSaralostallcontroloverherself. TherewasnobodybutEmily -- nooneintheworld. Andthereshesat.
30
"I shalldiepresently," shesaidatfirst.
31
Emilysimplystared.
32
"I can't bearthis," saidthepoorchild, trembling. "I know I shalldie. I'm cold; I'm wet; I'm starvingtodeath. I'vewalked a thousandmilestoday, andtheyhavedonenothingbutscoldmefrommorninguntilnight. Andbecause I couldnotfindthatlastthingthecooksentmefor, theywouldnotgivemeanysupper. Somemenlaughedatmebecausemyoldshoesmademeslipdowninthemud. I'm coveredwithmudnow. Andtheylaughed. Doyouhear?"
33
Shelookedatthestaringglasseyesandcomplacentface, andsuddenly a sortofheartbrokenrageseizedher. SheliftedherlittlesavagehandandknockedEmilyoffthechair, burstinginto a passionofsobbing -- Sarawhonevercried.
34
"Youarenothingbut a doll!" shecried. "Nothingbut a doll -- doll -- doll! Youcarefornothing. Youarestuffedwithsawdust. Youneverhad a heart. Nothingcouldevermakeyoufeel. Youare a doll!"
35
Emilylayonthefloor, withherlegsignominiouslydoubledupoverherhead, and a newflatplaceontheendofhernose; butshewascalm, evendignified. Sarahidherfaceinherarms. Theratsinthewallbegantofightandbiteeachotherandsqueakandscramble. Melchisedecwaschastisingsomeofhisfamily.
36
Sara's sobsgraduallyquietedthemselves. Itwassounlikehertobreakdownthatshewassurprisedatherself. After a whilesheraisedherfaceandlookedatEmily, whoseemedtobegazingatherroundthesideofoneangle, and, somehow, bythistimeactuallywith a kindofglassy-eyedsympathy. Sarabentandpickedherup. Remorseovertookher. Sheevensmiledatherself a verylittlesmile.
37
"Youcan't helpbeing a doll," shesaidwith a resignedsigh, "anymorethanLaviniaandJessiecanhelpnothavinganysense. Wearenotallmadealike. Perhapsyoudoyoursawdustbest." Andshekissedherandshookherclothesstraight, andputherbackuponherchair.
38
Shehadwishedverymuchthatsomeonewouldtaketheemptyhousenextdoor. Shewisheditbecauseoftheatticwindowwhichwassonearhers. Itseemedasifitwouldbesonicetoseeitproppedopensomedayand a headandshouldersrisingoutofthesquareaperture.
39
"Ifitlooked a nicehead," shethought, "I mightbeginbysaying, 'Goodmorning,' andallsortsofthingsmighthappen. But, ofcourse, it's notreallylikelythatanyonebutunderservantswouldsleepthere."
40
Onemorning, onturningthecornerofthesquareafter a visittothegrocer's, thebutcher's, andthebaker's, shesaw, tohergreatdelight, thatduringherratherprolongedabsence, a vanfulloffurniturehadstoppedbeforethenexthouse, thefrontdoorswerethrownopen, andmeninshirtsleevesweregoinginandoutcarryingheavypackagesandpiecesoffurniture.
41
"It's taken!" shesaid. "Itreallyistaken! Oh, I dohope a niceheadwilllookoutoftheatticwindow!"
"MissMinchin's tablesandchairsarejustlikeher," shethought; "I rememberthinkingthatthefirstminute I sawher, eventhough I wassolittle. I toldpapaafterward, andhelaughedandsaiditwastrue. I amsuretheLargeFamilyhavefat, comfortablearmchairsandsofas, and I canseethattheirred-flowerywallpaperisexactlylikethem. It's warmandcheerfulandkind-lookingandhappy."
44
Shewassentoutforparsleytothegreengrocer's laterintheday, andwhenshecameuptheareastepsherheartgavequite a quickbeatofrecognition. Severalpiecesoffurniturehadbeensetoutofthevanuponthepavement. Therewas a beautifultableofelaboratelywroughtteakwood, andsomechairs, and a screencoveredwithrichOrientalembroidery. Thesightofthemgaveher a weird, homesickfeeling. ShehadseenthingssoliketheminIndia. OneofthethingsMissMinchinhadtakenfromherwas a carvedteakwooddeskherfatherhadsenther.
45
"Theyarebeautifulthings," shesaid; "theylookasiftheyoughttobelongto a niceperson. Allthethingslookrathergrand. I supposeitis a richfamily."
46
Thevansoffurniturecameandwereunloadedandgaveplacetoothersalltheday. SeveraltimesitsohappenedthatSarahadanopportunityofseeingthingscarriedin. Itbecameplainthatshehadbeenrightinguessingthatthenewcomerswerepeopleoflargemeans. Allthefurniturewasrichandbeautiful, and a greatdealofitwasOriental. Wonderfulrugsanddraperiesandornamentsweretakenfromthevans, manypictures, andbooksenoughfor a library. Amongotherthingstherewas a superbgodBuddhain a splendidshrine.
47
"SomeoneinthefamilymusthavebeeninIndia," Sarathought. "TheyhavegotusedtoIndianthingsandlikethem. I amglad. I shallfeelasiftheywerefriends, evenif a headneverlooksoutoftheatticwindow."
48
Whenshewastakingintheevening's milkforthecook (therewasreallynooddjobshewasnotcalledupontodo), shesawsomethingoccurwhichmadethesituationmoreinterestingthanever. Thehandsome, rosymanwhowasthefatheroftheLargeFamilywalkedacrossthesquareinthemostmatter-of-factmanner, andranupthestepsofthenext-doorhouse. Heranupthemasifhefeltquiteathomeandexpectedtorunupanddownthemmany a timeinthefuture. Hestayedinsidequite a longtime, andseveraltimescameoutandgavedirectionstotheworkmen, asifhehad a righttodoso. Itwasquitecertainthathewasinsomeintimatewayconnectedwiththenewcomersandwasactingforthem.
"It's a' Nindiangentlemanthat's comin' tolivenextdoor, miss," shesaid. "I don't knowwhetherhe's a blackgentlemanornot, buthe's a Nindianone. He's veryrich, an' he's ill, an' thegentlemanoftheLargeFamilyishislawyer. He's had a lotoftrouble, an' it's madehimillan' lowinhismind. Heworshipsidols, miss. He's an 'eathenan' bowsdowntowoodan' stone. I seen a' idolbein' carriedinforhimtoworship. Somebodyhadoughtersendhim a trac'. Youcanget a trac' for a penny."
52
Saralaughed a little.
53
"I don't believeheworshipsthatidol," shesaid; "somepeopleliketokeepthemtolookatbecausetheyareinteresting. Mypapahad a beautifulone, andhedidnotworshipit."
54
ButBeckywasratherinclinedtoprefertobelievethatthenewneighborwas "an 'eathen." Itsoundedsomuchmoreromanticthanthatheshouldmerelybetheordinarykindofgentlemanwhowenttochurchwith a prayerbook. Shesatandtalkedlongthatnightofwhathewouldbelike, ofwhathiswifewouldbelikeifhehadone, andofwhathischildrenwouldbelikeiftheyhadchildren. Sarasawthatprivatelyshecouldnothelphopingverymuchthattheywouldallbeblack, andwouldwearturbans, and, aboveall, that -- liketheirparent -- theywouldallbe "'eathens."
55
"I neverlivednextdoortono 'eathens, miss," shesaid; "I shouldliketoseewhatsort o' waysthey'd have."
56
Itwasseveralweeksbeforehercuriositywassatisfied, andthenitwasrevealedthatthenewoccupanthadneitherwifenorchildren. Hewas a solitarymanwithnofamilyatall, anditwasevidentthathewasshatteredinhealthandunhappyinmind.
57
A carriagedroveuponedayandstoppedbeforethehouse. WhenthefootmandismountedfromtheboxandopenedthedoorthegentlemanwhowasthefatheroftheLargeFamilygotoutfirst. Afterhimtheredescended a nurseinuniform, thencamedownthestepstwomen-servants. Theycametoassisttheirmaster, who, whenhewashelpedoutofthecarriage, provedtobe a manwith a haggard, distressedface, and a skeletonbodywrappedinfurs. Hewascarriedupthesteps, andtheheadoftheLargeFamilywentwithhim, lookingveryanxious. Shortlyafterward a doctor's carriagearrived, andthedoctorwentin -- plainlytotakecareofhim.
58
"Thereissuch a yellowgentlemannextdoor, Sara," LottiewhisperedattheFrenchclassafterward. "Doyouthinkheis a Chinee? ThegeographysaystheChineemenareyellow."
59
"No, heisnotChinese," Sarawhisperedback; "heisveryill. Goonwithyourexercise, Lottie. 'Non, monsieur. Je n'aipaslecanifdemononcle.'"