1
Windsor. Before PAGE’s house.
2
[Enter SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]
4
Sir Hugh, persuade me not; I will make a Star-
5
chamber matter of it: if he were twenty Sir John
6
Falstaffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow, esquire.
8
In the county of Gloucester, justice of peace and
11
Ay, cousin Slender, and 'Custalourum.
13
Ay, and 'Rato-lorum' too; and a gentleman born,
14
master parson; who writes himself 'Armigero,' in any
15
bill, warrant, quittance, or obligation, 'Armigero.'
17
Ay, that I do; and have done any time these three
20
All his successors gone before him hath done't; and
21
all his ancestors that come after him may: they may
22
give the dozen white luces in their coat.
26
The dozen white louses do become an old coat well;
27
it agrees well, passant; it is a familiar beast to
28
man, and signifies love.
30
The luce is the fresh fish; the salt fish is an old coat.
36
It is marring indeed, if he quarter it.
40
Yes, py'r lady; if he has a quarter of your coat,
41
there is but three skirts for yourself, in my
42
simple conjectures: but that is all one. If Sir
43
John Falstaff have committed disparagements unto
44
you, I am of the church, and will be glad to do my
45
benevolence to make atonements and compremises
48
The council shall bear it; it is a riot.
50
It is not meet the council hear a riot; there is no
51
fear of Got in a riot: the council, look you, shall
52
desire to hear the fear of Got, and not to hear a
53
riot; take your vizaments in that.
55
Ha! o' my life, if I were young again, the sword
58
It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it:
59
and there is also another device in my prain, which
60
peradventure prings goot discretions with it: there
61
is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas
62
Page, which is pretty virginity.
64
Mistress Anne Page? She has brown hair, and speaks
67
It is that fery person for all the orld, as just as
68
you will desire; and seven hundred pounds of moneys,
69
and gold and silver, is her grandsire upon his
70
death's-bed—Got deliver to a joyful resurrections!
71
—give, when she is able to overtake seventeen years
72
old: it were a goot motion if we leave our pribbles
73
and prabbles, and desire a marriage between Master
74
Abraham and Mistress Anne Page.
76
Did her grandsire leave her seven hundred pound?
78
Ay, and her father is make her a petter penny.
80
I know the young gentlewoman; she has good gifts.
82
Seven hundred pounds and possibilities is goot gifts.
84
Well, let us see honest Master Page. Is Falstaff there?
86
Shall I tell you a lie? I do despise a liar as I do
87
despise one that is false, or as I despise one that
88
is not true. The knight, Sir John, is there; and, I
89
beseech you, be ruled by your well-willers. I will
90
peat the door for Master Page.
92
What, hoa! Got pless your house here!
97
Here is Got's plessing, and your friend, and Justice
98
Shallow; and here young Master Slender, that
99
peradventures shall tell you another tale, if
100
matters grow to your likings.
102
I am glad to see your worships well.
103
I thank you for my venison, Master Shallow.
105
Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good do it
106
your good heart! I wished your venison better; it
107
was ill killed. How doth good Mistress Page?—and I
108
thank you always with my heart, la! with my heart.
112
Sir, I thank you; by yea and no, I do.
114
I am glad to see you, good Master Slender.
116
How does your fallow greyhound, sir? I heard say he
117
was outrun on Cotsall.
119
It could not be judged, sir.
121
You'll not confess, you'll not confess.
123
That he will not. 'Tis your fault, 'tis your fault;
128
Sir, he's a good dog, and a fair dog: can there be
129
more said? he is good and fair. Is Sir John
132
Sir, he is within; and I would I could do a good
135
It is spoke as a Christians ought to speak.
137
He hath wronged me, Master Page.
139
Sir, he doth in some sort confess it.
141
If it be confessed, it is not redress'd: is not that
142
so, Master Page? He hath wronged me; indeed he
143
hath, at a word, he hath, believe me: Robert
144
Shallow, esquire, saith, he is wronged.
147
[Enter FALSTAFF, BARDOLPH, NYM, and PISTOL]
149
Now, Master Shallow, you'll complain of me to the king?
151
Knight, you have beaten my men, killed my deer, and
154
But not kissed your keeper's daughter?
156
Tut, a pin! this shall be answered.
158
I will answer it straight; I have done all this.
159
That is now answered.
161
The council shall know this.
163
'Twere better for you if it were known in counsel:
164
you'll be laughed at.
166
Pauca verba, Sir John; goot worts.
168
Good worts! good cabbage. Slender, I broke your
169
head: what matter have you against me?
171
Marry, sir, I have matter in my head against you;
172
and against your cony-catching rascals, Bardolph,
179
How now, Mephostophilus!
183
Slice, I say! pauca, pauca: slice! that's my humour.
185
Where's Simple, my man? Can you tell, cousin?
187
Peace, I pray you. Now let us understand. There is
188
three umpires in this matter, as I understand; that
189
is, Master Page, fidelicet Master Page; and there is
190
myself, fidelicet myself; and the three party is,
191
lastly and finally, mine host of the Garter.
193
We three, to hear it and end it between them.
195
Fery goot: I will make a prief of it in my note-
196
book; and we will afterwards ork upon the cause with
197
as great discreetly as we can.
203
The tevil and his tam! what phrase is this, 'He
204
hears with ear'? why, it is affectations.
206
Pistol, did you pick Master Slender's purse?
208
Ay, by these gloves, did he, or I would I might
209
never come in mine own great chamber again else, of
210
seven groats in mill-sixpences, and two Edward
211
shovel-boards, that cost me two shilling and two
212
pence apiece of Yead Miller, by these gloves.
214
Is this true, Pistol?
216
No; it is false, if it is a pick-purse.
218
Ha, thou mountain-foreigner! Sir John and Master mine,
219
I combat challenge of this latten bilbo.
220
Word of denial in thy labras here!
221
Word of denial: froth and scum, thou liest!
223
By these gloves, then, 'twas he.
225
Be avised, sir, and pass good humours: I will say
226
'marry trap' with you, if you run the nuthook's
227
humour on me; that is the very note of it.
229
By this hat, then, he in the red face had it; for
230
though I cannot remember what I did when you made me
231
drunk, yet I am not altogether an ass.
233
What say you, Scarlet and John?
235
Why, sir, for my part I say the gentleman had drunk
236
himself out of his five sentences.
238
It is his five senses: fie, what the ignorance is!
240
And being fap, sir, was, as they say, cashiered; and
241
so conclusions passed the careires.
243
Ay, you spake in Latin then too; but 'tis no
244
matter: I'll ne'er be drunk whilst I live again,
245
but in honest, civil, godly company, for this trick:
246
if I be drunk, I'll be drunk with those that have
247
the fear of God, and not with drunken knaves.
249
So Got udge me, that is a virtuous mind.
251
You hear all these matters denied, gentlemen; you hear it.
252
[Enter ANNE PAGE, with wine; MISTRESS FORD]
253
and MISTRESS PAGE, following]
255
Nay, daughter, carry the wine in; we'll drink within.
258
O heaven! this is Mistress Anne Page.
260
How now, Mistress Ford!
262
Mistress Ford, by my troth, you are very well met:
263
by your leave, good mistress.
266
Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome. Come, we have a
267
hot venison pasty to dinner: come, gentlemen, I hope
268
we shall drink down all unkindness.
269
[Exeunt all except SHALLOW, SLENDER, and SIR HUGH EVANS]
271
I had rather than forty shillings I had my Book of
272
Songs and Sonnets here.
274
How now, Simple! where have you been? I must wait
275
on myself, must I? You have not the Book of Riddles
278
Book of Riddles! why, did you not lend it to Alice
279
Shortcake upon All-hallowmas last, a fortnight
282
Come, coz; come, coz; we stay for you. A word with
283
you, coz; marry, this, coz: there is, as 'twere, a
284
tender, a kind of tender, made afar off by Sir Hugh
285
here. Do you understand me?
287
Ay, sir, you shall find me reasonable; if it be so,
288
I shall do that that is reason.
290
Nay, but understand me.
294
Give ear to his motions, Master Slender: I will
295
description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it.
297
Nay, I will do as my cousin Shallow says: I pray
298
you, pardon me; he's a justice of peace in his
299
country, simple though I stand here.
301
But that is not the question: the question is
302
concerning your marriage.
304
Ay, there's the point, sir.
306
Marry, is it; the very point of it; to Mistress Anne Page.
308
Why, if it be so, I will marry her upon any
311
But can you affection the 'oman? Let us command to
312
know that of your mouth or of your lips; for divers
313
philosophers hold that the lips is parcel of the
314
mouth. Therefore, precisely, can you carry your
315
good will to the maid?
317
Cousin Abraham Slender, can you love her?
319
I hope, sir, I will do as it shall become one that
322
Nay, Got's lords and his ladies! you must speak
323
possitable, if you can carry her your desires
326
That you must. Will you, upon good dowry, marry her?
328
I will do a greater thing than that, upon your
329
request, cousin, in any reason.
331
Nay, conceive me, conceive me, sweet coz: what I do
332
is to pleasure you, coz. Can you love the maid?
334
I will marry her, sir, at your request: but if there
335
be no great love in the beginning, yet heaven may
336
decrease it upon better acquaintance, when we are
337
married and have more occasion to know one another;
338
I hope, upon familiarity will grow more contempt:
339
but if you say, 'Marry her,' I will marry her; that
340
I am freely dissolved, and dissolutely.
342
It is a fery discretion answer; save the fall is in
343
the ort 'dissolutely:' the ort is, according to our
344
meaning, 'resolutely:' his meaning is good.
346
Ay, I think my cousin meant well.
348
Ay, or else I would I might be hanged, la!
350
Here comes fair Mistress Anne.
352
Would I were young for your sake, Mistress Anne!
354
The dinner is on the table; my father desires your
357
I will wait on him, fair Mistress Anne.
359
Od's plessed will! I will not be absence at the grace.
360
[Exeunt SHALLOW and SIR HUGH EVANS]
362
Will't please your worship to come in, sir?
364
No, I thank you, forsooth, heartily; I am very well.
366
The dinner attends you, sir.
368
I am not a-hungry, I thank you, forsooth. Go,
369
sirrah, for all you are my man, go wait upon my
372
A justice of peace sometimes may be beholding to his
373
friend for a man. I keep but three men and a boy
374
yet, till my mother be dead: but what though? Yet I
375
live like a poor gentleman born.
377
I may not go in without your worship: they will not
380
I' faith, I'll eat nothing; I thank you as much as
383
I pray you, sir, walk in.
385
I had rather walk here, I thank you. I bruised
386
my shin th' other day with playing at sword and
387
dagger with a master of fence; three veneys for a
388
dish of stewed prunes; and, by my troth, I cannot
389
abide the smell of hot meat since. Why do your
390
dogs bark so? be there bears i' the town?
392
I think there are, sir; I heard them talked of.
394
I love the sport well but I shall as soon quarrel at
395
it as any man in England. You are afraid, if you see
396
the bear loose, are you not?
400
That's meat and drink to me, now. I have seen
401
Sackerson loose twenty times, and have taken him by
402
the chain; but, I warrant you, the women have so
403
cried and shrieked at it, that it passed: but women,
404
indeed, cannot abide 'em; they are very ill-favored
408
Come, gentle Master Slender, come; we stay for you.
410
I'll eat nothing, I thank you, sir.
412
By cock and pie, you shall not choose, sir! come, come.
414
Nay, pray you, lead the way.
418
Mistress Anne, yourself shall go first.
420
Not I, sir; pray you, keep on.
422
I'll rather be unmannerly than troublesome.
423
You do yourself wrong, indeed, la!
2
[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS and SIMPLE]
4
Go your ways, and ask of Doctor Caius' house which
5
is the way: and there dwells one Mistress Quickly,
6
which is in the manner of his nurse, or his dry
7
nurse, or his cook, or his laundry, his washer, and
12
Nay, it is petter yet. Give her this letter; for it
13
is a 'oman that altogether's acquaintance with
14
Mistress Anne Page: and the letter is, to desire
15
and require her to solicit your master's desires to
16
Mistress Anne Page. I pray you, be gone: I will
17
make an end of my dinner; there's pippins and cheese to come.
1
A room in the Garter Inn.
2
[Enter FALSTAFF, Host, BARDOLPH, NYM, PISTOL,] [p]and ROBIN]
4
Mine host of the Garter!
6
What says my bully-rook? speak scholarly and wisely.
8
Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my
11
Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot.
13
I sit at ten pounds a week.
15
Thou'rt an emperor, Caesar, Keisar, and Pheezar. I
16
will entertain Bardolph; he shall draw, he shall
17
tap: said I well, bully Hector?
19
Do so, good mine host.
21
I have spoke; let him follow.
23
Let me see thee froth and lime: I am at a word; follow.
26
Bardolph, follow him. A tapster is a good trade:
27
an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered
28
serving-man a fresh tapster. Go; adieu.
30
It is a life that I have desired: I will thrive.
32
O base Hungarian wight! wilt thou the spigot wield?
35
He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited?
37
I am glad I am so acquit of this tinderbox: his
38
thefts were too open; his filching was like an
39
unskilful singer; he kept not time.
41
The good humour is to steal at a minute's rest.
43
'Convey,' the wise it call. 'Steal!' foh! a fico
46
Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels.
48
Why, then, let kibes ensue.
50
There is no remedy; I must cony-catch; I must shift.
52
Young ravens must have food.
54
Which of you know Ford of this town?
56
I ken the wight: he is of substance good.
58
My honest lads, I will tell you what I am about.
62
No quips now, Pistol! Indeed, I am in the waist two
63
yards about; but I am now about no waste; I am about
64
thrift. Briefly, I do mean to make love to Ford's
65
wife: I spy entertainment in her; she discourses,
66
she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I
67
can construe the action of her familiar style; and
68
the hardest voice of her behavior, to be Englished
69
rightly, is, 'I am Sir John Falstaff's.'
71
He hath studied her will, and translated her will,
72
out of honesty into English.
74
The anchor is deep: will that humour pass?
76
Now, the report goes she has all the rule of her
77
husband's purse: he hath a legion of angels.
79
As many devils entertain; and 'To her, boy,' say I.
81
The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels.
83
I have writ me here a letter to her: and here
84
another to Page's wife, who even now gave me good
85
eyes too, examined my parts with most judicious
86
oeillades; sometimes the beam of her view gilded my
87
foot, sometimes my portly belly.
89
Then did the sun on dunghill shine.
91
I thank thee for that humour.
93
O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with such a
94
greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye did
95
seem to scorch me up like a burning-glass! Here's
96
another letter to her: she bears the purse too; she
97
is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will
98
be cheater to them both, and they shall be
99
exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West
100
Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go bear thou
101
this letter to Mistress Page; and thou this to
102
Mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive.
104
Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become,
105
And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer take all!
107
I will run no base humour: here, take the
108
humour-letter: I will keep the havior of reputation.
110
[To ROBIN]Hold, sirrah, bear you these letters tightly;
111
Sail like my pinnace to these golden shores.
112
Rogues, hence, avaunt! vanish like hailstones, go;
113
Trudge, plod away o' the hoof; seek shelter, pack!
114
Falstaff will learn the humour of the age,
115
French thrift, you rogues; myself and skirted page.
116
[Exeunt FALSTAFF and ROBIN]
118
Let vultures gripe thy guts! for gourd and fullam holds,
119
And high and low beguiles the rich and poor:
120
Tester I'll have in pouch when thou shalt lack,
123
I have operations which be humours of revenge.
127
By welkin and her star!
131
With both the humours, I:
132
I will discuss the humour of this love to Page.
134
And I to Ford shall eke unfold
135
How Falstaff, varlet vile,
136
His dove will prove, his gold will hold,
137
And his soft couch defile.
139
My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to
140
deal with poison; I will possess him with
141
yellowness, for the revolt of mine is dangerous:
142
that is my true humour.
144
Thou art the Mars of malecontents: I second thee; troop on.
1
A room in DOCTOR CAIUS’ house.
2
[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, SIMPLE, and RUGBY]
4
What, John Rugby! I pray thee, go to the casement,
5
and see if you can see my master, Master Doctor
6
Caius, coming. If he do, i' faith, and find any
7
body in the house, here will be an old abusing of
8
God's patience and the king's English.
12
Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in
13
faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire.
15
An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant
16
shall come in house withal, and, I warrant you, no
17
tell-tale nor no breed-bate: his worst fault is,
18
that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish
19
that way: but nobody but has his fault; but let
20
that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is?
22
Ay, for fault of a better.
24
And Master Slender's your master?
28
Does he not wear a great round beard, like a
29
glover's paring-knife?
31
No, forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a
32
little yellow beard, a Cain-coloured beard.
34
A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
36
Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands
37
as any is between this and his head; he hath fought
40
How say you? O, I should remember him: does he not
41
hold up his head, as it were, and strut in his gait?
45
Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell
46
Master Parson Evans I will do what I can for your
47
master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish—
50
Out, alas! here comes my master.
52
We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man;
53
go into this closet: he will not stay long.
54
[Shuts SIMPLE in the closet]
55
What, John Rugby! John! what, John, I say!
56
Go, John, go inquire for my master; I doubt
57
he be not well, that he comes not home.
59
And down, down, adown-a, &c.
62
Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you,
63
go and vetch me in my closet un boitier vert, a box,
64
a green-a box: do intend vat I speak? a green-a box.
66
Ay, forsooth; I'll fetch it you.
68
I am glad he went not in himself: if he had found
69
the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
71
Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je
72
m'en vais a la cour—la grande affaire.
76
Oui; mette le au mon pocket: depeche, quickly. Vere
79
What, John Rugby! John!
83
You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby. Come,
84
take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to the court.
86
'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
88
By my trot, I tarry too long. Od's me!
89
Qu'ai-j'oublie! dere is some simples in my closet,
90
dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
92
Ay me, he'll find the young man here, and be mad!
94
O diable, diable! vat is in my closet? Villain! larron!
98
Good master, be content.
100
Wherefore shall I be content-a?
102
The young man is an honest man.
104
What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is
105
no honest man dat shall come in my closet.
107
I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth
108
of it: he came of an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
112
Ay, forsooth; to desire her to—
116
Peace-a your tongue. Speak-a your tale.
118
To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to
119
speak a good word to Mistress Anne Page for my
120
master in the way of marriage.
122
This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my
123
finger in the fire, and need not.
125
Sir Hugh send-a you? Rugby, baille me some paper.
126
Tarry you a little-a while.
129
[Aside to SIMPLE]I am glad he is so quiet: if he
130
had been thoroughly moved, you should have heard him
131
so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding,
132
man, I'll do you your master what good I can: and
133
the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my
134
master,—I may call him my master, look you, for I
135
keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake,
136
scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds and do
139
[Aside to MISTRESS QUICKLY]'Tis a great charge to
140
come under one body's hand.
142
[Aside to SIMPLE]Are you avised o' that? you
143
shall find it a great charge: and to be up early
144
and down late; but notwithstanding,—to tell you in
145
your ear; I would have no words of it,—my master
146
himself is in love with Mistress Anne Page: but
147
notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,—that's
148
neither here nor there.
150
You jack'nape, give-a this letter to Sir Hugh; by
151
gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in dee
152
park; and I will teach a scurvy jack-a-nape priest
153
to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
154
you tarry here. By gar, I will cut all his two
155
stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to throw
159
Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
161
It is no matter-a ver dat: do not you tell-a me
162
dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? By gar, I
163
vill kill de Jack priest; and I have appointed mine
164
host of de Jarteer to measure our weapon. By gar, I
165
will myself have Anne Page.
167
Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We
168
must give folks leave to prate: what, the good-jer!
170
Rugby, come to the court with me. By gar, if I have
171
not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my
172
door. Follow my heels, Rugby.
173
[Exeunt DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]
175
You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I
176
know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor
177
knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more
178
than I do with her, I thank heaven.
180
[Within]Who's within there? ho!
182
Who's there, I trow! Come near the house, I pray you.
185
How now, good woman? how dost thou?
187
The better that it pleases your good worship to ask.
189
What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
191
In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and
192
gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you
193
that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
195
Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? shall I not lose my suit?
197
Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but
198
notwithstanding, Master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a
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book, she loves you. Have not your worship a wart
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Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
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Well, thereby hangs a tale: good faith, it is such
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another Nan; but, I detest, an honest maid as ever
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broke bread: we had an hour's talk of that wart. I
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shall never laugh but in that maid's company! But
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indeed she is given too much to allicholy and
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musing: but for you—well, go to.
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Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money
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for thee; let me have thy voice in my behalf: if
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thou seest her before me, commend me.
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Will I? i'faith, that we will; and I will tell your
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worship more of the wart the next time we have
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confidence; and of other wooers.
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Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
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Farewell to your worship.
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Truly, an honest gentleman: but Anne loves him not;
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for I know Anne's mind as well as another does. Out
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upon't! what have I forgot?
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