"I amsoglad I havefoundyou, Dorian," hesaidgravely. "I calledlastnight, andtheytoldmeyouwereattheopera. Ofcourse, I knewthatwasimpossible. But I wishyouhadleftwordwhereyouhadreallygoneto. I passed a dreadfulevening, halfafraidthatonetragedymightbefollowedbyanother. I thinkyoumighthavetelegraphedformewhenyouheardofitfirst. I readofitquitebychancein a lateeditionofTheGlobethat I pickedupattheclub. I camehereatonceandwasmiserableatnotfindingyou. I can't tellyouhowheart-broken I amaboutthewholething. I knowwhatyoumustsuffer. Butwherewereyou? Didyougodownandseethegirl's mother? For a moment I thoughtoffollowingyouthere. Theygavetheaddressinthepaper. SomewhereintheEustonRoad, isn't it? But I wasafraidofintrudingupon a sorrowthat I couldnotlighten. Poorwoman! What a stateshemustbein! Andheronlychild, too! Whatdidshesayaboutitall?"
2
"MydearBasil, howdo I know?" murmuredDorianGray, sippingsomepale-yellowwinefrom a delicate, gold-beadedbubbleofVenetianglassandlookingdreadfullybored. "I wasattheopera. Youshouldhavecomeonthere. I metLadyGwendolen, Harry's sister, forthefirsttime. Wewereinherbox. Sheisperfectlycharming; andPattisangdivinely. Don't talkabouthorridsubjects. Ifonedoesn't talkabout a thing, ithasneverhappened. Itissimplyexpression, asHarrysays, thatgivesrealitytothings. I maymentionthatshewasnotthewoman's onlychild. Thereis a son, a charmingfellow, I believe. Butheisnotonthestage. Heis a sailor, orsomething. Andnow, tellmeaboutyourselfandwhatyouarepainting."
3
"Youwenttotheopera?" saidHallward, speakingveryslowlyandwith a strainedtouchofpaininhisvoice. "YouwenttotheoperawhileSibylVanewaslyingdeadinsomesordidlodging? Youcantalktomeofotherwomenbeingcharming, andofPattisingingdivinely, beforethegirlyoulovedhaseventhequietof a gravetosleepin? Why, man, therearehorrorsinstoreforthatlittlewhitebodyofhers!"
4
"Stop, Basil! I won't hearit!" criedDorian, leapingtohisfeet. "Youmustnottellmeaboutthings. Whatisdoneisdone. Whatispastispast."
5
"Youcallyesterdaythepast?"
6
"Whathastheactuallapseoftimegottodowithit? Itisonlyshallowpeoplewhorequireyearstogetridofanemotion. A manwhoismasterofhimselfcanend a sorrowaseasilyashecaninvent a pleasure. I don't wanttobeatthemercyofmyemotions. I wanttousethem, toenjoythem, andtodominatethem."
7
"Dorian, thisishorrible! Somethinghaschangedyoucompletely. Youlookexactlythesamewonderfulboywho, dayafterday, usedtocomedowntomystudiotositforhispicture. Butyouweresimple, natural, andaffectionatethen. Youwerethemostunspoiledcreatureinthewholeworld. Now, I don't knowwhathascomeoveryou. Youtalkasifyouhadnoheart, nopityinyou. ItisallHarry's influence. I seethat."
8
Theladflushedupand, goingtothewindow, lookedoutfor a fewmomentsonthegreen, flickering, sun-lashedgarden. "I owe a greatdealtoHarry, Basil," hesaidatlast, "morethan I owetoyou. Youonlytaughtmetobevain."
9
"Well, I ampunishedforthat, Dorian—orshallbesomeday."
10
"I don't knowwhatyoumean, Basil," heexclaimed, turninground. "I don't knowwhatyouwant. Whatdoyouwant?"
11
"I wanttheDorianGray I usedtopaint," saidtheartistsadly.
12
"Basil," saidthelad, goingovertohimandputtinghishandonhisshoulder, "youhavecometoolate. Yesterday, when I heardthatSibylVanehadkilledherself—"
"MydearBasil! Surelyyoudon't thinkitwas a vulgaraccident? Ofcourseshekilledherself."
15
Theeldermanburiedhisfaceinhishands. "Howfearful," hemuttered, and a shudderranthroughhim.
16
"No," saidDorianGray, "thereisnothingfearfulaboutit. Itisoneofthegreatromantictragediesoftheage. As a rule, peoplewhoactleadthemostcommonplacelives. Theyaregoodhusbands, orfaithfulwives, orsomethingtedious. Youknowwhat I mean—middle-classvirtueandallthatkindofthing. HowdifferentSibylwas! Shelivedherfinesttragedy. Shewasalways a heroine. Thelastnightsheplayed—thenightyousawher—sheactedbadlybecauseshehadknowntherealityoflove. Whensheknewitsunreality, shedied, asJulietmighthavedied. Shepassedagainintothesphereofart. Thereissomethingofthemartyrabouther. Herdeathhasallthepatheticuselessnessofmartyrdom, allitswastedbeauty. But, as I wassaying, youmustnotthink I havenotsuffered. Ifyouhadcomeinyesterdayat a particularmoment—abouthalf-pastfive, perhaps, or a quartertosix—youwouldhavefoundmeintears. EvenHarry, whowashere, whobroughtmethenews, infact, hadnoideawhat I wasgoingthrough. I sufferedimmensely. Thenitpassedaway. I cannotrepeatanemotion. Noonecan, exceptsentimentalists. Andyouareawfullyunjust, Basil. Youcomedownheretoconsoleme. Thatischarmingofyou. Youfindmeconsoled, andyouarefurious. Howlike a sympatheticperson! Youremindmeof a storyHarrytoldmeabout a certainphilanthropistwhospenttwentyyearsofhislifeintryingtogetsomegrievanceredressed, orsomeunjustlawaltered—I forgetexactlywhatitwas. Finallyhesucceeded, andnothingcouldexceedhisdisappointment. Hehadabsolutelynothingtodo, almostdiedofennui, andbecame a confirmedmisanthrope. Andbesides, mydearoldBasil, ifyoureallywanttoconsoleme, teachmerathertoforgetwhathashappened, ortoseeitfrom a properartisticpointofview. WasitnotGautierwhousedtowriteaboutlaconsolationdesarts? I rememberpickingup a littlevellum-coveredbookinyourstudioonedayandchancingonthatdelightfulphrase. Well, I amnotlikethatyoungmanyoutoldmeofwhenweweredownatMarlowtogether, theyoungmanwhousedtosaythatyellowsatincouldconsoleoneforallthemiseriesoflife. I lovebeautifulthingsthatonecantouchandhandle. Oldbrocades, greenbronzes, lacquer-work, carvedivories, exquisitesurroundings, luxury, pomp—thereismuchtobegotfromallthese. Buttheartistictemperamentthattheycreate, oratanyratereveal, isstillmoretome. Tobecomethespectatorofone's ownlife, asHarrysays, istoescapethesufferingoflife. I knowyouaresurprisedatmytalkingtoyoulikethis. Youhavenotrealizedhow I havedeveloped. I was a schoolboywhenyouknewme. I am a mannow. I havenewpassions, newthoughts, newideas. I amdifferent, butyoumustnotlikemeless. I amchanged, butyoumustalwaysbemyfriend. Ofcourse, I amveryfondofHarry. But I knowthatyouarebetterthanheis. Youarenotstronger—youaretoomuchafraidoflife—butyouarebetter. Andhowhappyweusedtobetogether! Don't leaveme, Basil, anddon't quarrelwithme. I amwhat I am. Thereisnothingmoretobesaid."
17
Thepainterfeltstrangelymoved. Theladwasinfinitelydeartohim, andhispersonalityhadbeenthegreatturningpointinhisart. Hecouldnotbeartheideaofreproachinghimanymore. Afterall, hisindifferencewasprobablymerely a moodthatwouldpassaway. Therewassomuchinhimthatwasgood, somuchinhimthatwasnoble.
18
"Well, Dorian," hesaidatlength, with a sadsmile, "I won't speaktoyouagainaboutthishorriblething, afterto-day. I onlytrustyournamewon't bementionedinconnectionwithit. Theinquestistotakeplacethisafternoon. Havetheysummonedyou?"
19
Dorianshookhishead, and a lookofannoyancepassedoverhisfaceatthementionoftheword "inquest." Therewassomethingsocrudeandvulgarabouteverythingofthekind. "Theydon't knowmyname," heanswered.
20
"Butsurelyshedid?"
21
"OnlymyChristianname, andthat I amquitesureshenevermentionedtoanyone. Shetoldmeoncethattheywereallrathercurioustolearnwho I was, andthatsheinvariablytoldthemmynamewasPrinceCharming. Itwasprettyofher. Youmustdome a drawingofSibyl, Basil. I shouldliketohavesomethingmoreofherthanthememoryof a fewkissesandsomebrokenpatheticwords."
22
"I willtryanddosomething, Dorian, ifitwouldpleaseyou. Butyoumustcomeandsittomeyourselfagain. I can't getonwithoutyou."
23
"I canneversittoyouagain, Basil. Itisimpossible!" heexclaimed, startingback.
24
Thepainterstaredathim. "Mydearboy, whatnonsense!" hecried. "Doyoumeantosayyoudon't likewhat I didofyou? Whereisit? Whyhaveyoupulledthescreeninfrontofit? Letmelookatit. Itisthebestthing I haveeverdone. Dotakethescreenaway, Dorian. Itissimplydisgracefulofyourservanthidingmyworklikethat. I felttheroomlookeddifferentas I camein."
25
"Myservanthasnothingtodowithit, Basil. Youdon't imagine I lethimarrangemyroomforme? Hesettlesmyflowersformesometimes—thatisall. No; I diditmyself. Thelightwastoostrongontheportrait."
A cryofterrorbrokefromDorianGray's lips, andherushedbetweenthepainterandthescreen. "Basil," hesaid, lookingverypale, "youmustnotlookatit. I don't wishyouto."
28
"Notlookatmyownwork! Youarenotserious. Whyshouldn't I lookatit?" exclaimedHallward, laughing.
29
"Ifyoutrytolookatit, Basil, onmywordofhonour I willneverspeaktoyouagainaslongas I live. I amquiteserious. I don't offeranyexplanation, andyouarenottoaskforany. But, remember, ifyoutouchthisscreen, everythingisoverbetweenus."
"Butwhatisthematter? Ofcourse I won't lookatitifyoudon't wantmeto," hesaid, rathercoldly, turningonhisheelandgoingovertowardsthewindow. "But, really, itseemsratherabsurdthat I shouldn't seemyownwork, especiallyas I amgoingtoexhibititinParisintheautumn. I shallprobablyhavetogiveitanothercoatofvarnishbeforethat, so I mustseeitsomeday, andwhynotto-day?"
34
"Toexhibitit! Youwanttoexhibitit?" exclaimedDorianGray, a strangesenseofterrorcreepingoverhim. Wastheworldgoingtobeshownhissecret? Werepeopletogapeatthemysteryofhislife? Thatwasimpossible. Something—hedidnotknowwhat—hadtobedoneatonce.
35
"Yes; I don't supposeyouwillobjecttothat. GeorgesPetitisgoingtocollectallmybestpicturesfor a specialexhibitionintheRuedeSeze, whichwillopenthefirstweekinOctober. Theportraitwillonlybeaway a month. I shouldthinkyoucouldeasilyspareitforthattime. Infact, youaresuretobeoutoftown. Andifyoukeepitalwaysbehind a screen, youcan't caremuchaboutit."
36
DorianGraypassedhishandoverhisforehead. Therewerebeadsofperspirationthere. Hefeltthathewasonthebrinkof a horribledanger. "Youtoldme a monthagothatyouwouldneverexhibitit," hecried. "Whyhaveyouchangedyourmind? Youpeoplewhogoinforbeingconsistenthavejustasmanymoodsasothershave. Theonlydifferenceisthatyourmoodsarerathermeaningless. Youcan't haveforgottenthatyouassuredmemostsolemnlythatnothingintheworldwouldinduceyoutosendittoanyexhibition. YoutoldHarryexactlythesamething." Hestoppedsuddenly, and a gleamoflightcameintohiseyes. HerememberedthatLordHenryhadsaidtohimonce, halfseriouslyandhalfinjest, "Ifyouwanttohave a strangequarterofanhour, getBasiltotellyouwhyhewon't exhibityourpicture. Hetoldmewhyhewouldn't, anditwas a revelationtome." Yes, perhapsBasil, too, hadhissecret. Hewouldaskhimandtry.
37
"Basil," hesaid, comingoverquitecloseandlookinghimstraightintheface, "wehaveeachofus a secret. Letmeknowyours, and I shalltellyoumine. Whatwasyourreasonforrefusingtoexhibitmypicture?"
38
Thepaintershudderedinspiteofhimself. "Dorian, if I toldyou, youmightlikemelessthanyoudo, andyouwouldcertainlylaughatme. I couldnotbearyourdoingeitherofthosetwothings. Ifyouwishmenevertolookatyourpictureagain, I amcontent. I havealwaysyoutolookat. Ifyouwishthebestwork I haveeverdonetobehiddenfromtheworld, I amsatisfied. Yourfriendshipisdearertomethananyfameorreputation."
39
"No, Basil, youmusttellme," insistedDorianGray. "I think I have a righttoknow." Hisfeelingofterrorhadpassedaway, andcuriosityhadtakenitsplace. HewasdeterminedtofindoutBasilHallward's mystery.
"I seeyoudid. Don't speak. Waittillyouhearwhat I havetosay. Dorian, fromthemoment I metyou, yourpersonalityhadthemostextraordinaryinfluenceoverme. I wasdominated, soul, brain, andpower, byyou. Youbecametomethevisibleincarnationofthatunseenidealwhosememoryhauntsusartistslikeanexquisitedream. I worshippedyou. I grewjealousofeveryonetowhomyouspoke. I wantedtohaveyoualltomyself. I wasonlyhappywhen I waswithyou. Whenyouwereawayfromme, youwerestillpresentinmyart.... Ofcourse, I neverletyouknowanythingaboutthis. Itwouldhavebeenimpossible. Youwouldnothaveunderstoodit. I hardlyunderstooditmyself. I onlyknewthat I hadseenperfectionfacetoface, andthattheworldhadbecomewonderfultomyeyes—toowonderful, perhaps, forinsuchmadworshipsthereisperil, theperiloflosingthem, nolessthantheperilofkeepingthem.... Weeksandweekswenton, and I grewmoreandmoreabsorbedinyou. Thencame a newdevelopment. I haddrawnyouasParisindaintyarmour, andasAdoniswithhuntsman's cloakandpolishedboar-spear. Crownedwithheavylotus-blossomsyouhadsatontheprowofAdrian's barge, gazingacrossthegreenturbidNile. YouhadleanedoverthestillpoolofsomeGreekwoodlandandseeninthewater's silentsilverthemarvelofyourownface. Andithadallbeenwhatartshouldbe—unconscious, ideal, andremote. Oneday, a fatalday I sometimesthink, I determinedtopaint a wonderfulportraitofyouasyouactuallyare, notinthecostumeofdeadages, butinyourowndressandinyourowntime. Whetheritwastherealismofthemethod, orthemerewonderofyourownpersonality, thusdirectlypresentedtomewithoutmistorveil, I cannottell. But I knowthatas I workedatit, everyflakeandfilmofcolourseemedtometorevealmysecret. I grewafraidthatotherswouldknowofmyidolatry. I felt, Dorian, that I hadtoldtoomuch, that I hadputtoomuchofmyselfintoit. Thenitwasthat I resolvednevertoallowthepicturetobeexhibited. Youwere a littleannoyed; butthenyoudidnotrealizeallthatitmeanttome. Harry, towhom I talkedaboutit, laughedatme. But I didnotmindthat. Whenthepicturewasfinished, and I satalonewithit, I feltthat I wasright.... Well, after a fewdaysthethingleftmystudio, andassoonas I hadgotridoftheintolerablefascinationofitspresence, itseemedtomethat I hadbeenfoolishinimaginingthat I hadseenanythinginit, morethanthatyouwereextremelygood-lookingandthat I couldpaint. Evennow I cannothelpfeelingthatitis a mistaketothinkthatthepassiononefeelsincreationiseverreallyshownintheworkonecreates. Artisalwaysmoreabstractthanwefancy. Formandcolourtellusofformandcolour—thatisall. Itoftenseemstomethatartconcealstheartistfarmorecompletelythaniteverrevealshim. Andsowhen I gotthisofferfromParis, I determinedtomakeyourportraittheprincipalthinginmyexhibition. Itneveroccurredtomethatyouwouldrefuse. I seenowthatyouwereright. Thepicturecannotbeshown. Youmustnotbeangrywithme, Dorian, forwhat I havetoldyou. As I saidtoHarry, once, youaremadetobeworshipped."
43
DorianGraydrew a longbreath. Thecolourcamebacktohischeeks, and a smileplayedabouthislips. Theperilwasover. Hewassafeforthetime. Yethecouldnothelpfeelinginfinitepityforthepainterwhohadjustmadethisstrangeconfessiontohim, andwonderedifhehimselfwouldeverbesodominatedbythepersonalityof a friend. LordHenryhadthecharmofbeingverydangerous. Butthatwasall. Hewastoocleverandtoocynicaltobereallyfondof. Wouldthereeverbesomeonewhowouldfillhimwith a strangeidolatry? Wasthatoneofthethingsthatlifehadinstore?
"I sawsomethinginit," heanswered, "somethingthatseemedtomeverycurious."
46
"Well, youdon't mindmylookingatthethingnow?"
47
Dorianshookhishead. "Youmustnotaskmethat, Basil. I couldnotpossiblyletyoustandinfrontofthatpicture."
48
"Youwillsomeday, surely?"
49
"Never."
50
"Well, perhapsyouareright. Andnowgood-bye, Dorian. Youhavebeentheonepersoninmylifewhohasreallyinfluencedmyart. Whatever I havedonethatisgood, I owetoyou. Ah! youdon't knowwhatitcostmetotellyouallthat I havetoldyou."
51
"MydearBasil," saidDorian, "whathaveyoutoldme? Simplythatyoufeltthatyouadmiredmetoomuch. Thatisnoteven a compliment."
52
"Itwasnotintendedas a compliment. Itwas a confession. Nowthat I havemadeit, somethingseemstohavegoneoutofme. Perhapsoneshouldneverputone's worshipintowords."
"Oh, Harry!" criedthelad, with a rippleoflaughter. "Harryspendshisdaysinsayingwhatisincredibleandhiseveningsindoingwhatisimprobable. Justthesortoflife I wouldliketolead. Butstill I don't think I wouldgotoHarryif I wereintrouble. I wouldsoonergotoyou, Basil."
"I can't explainittoyou, Basil, but I mustneversittoyouagain. Thereissomethingfatalabout a portrait. Ithas a lifeofitsown. I willcomeandhaveteawithyou. Thatwillbejustaspleasant."
62
"Pleasanterforyou, I amafraid," murmuredHallwardregretfully. "Andnowgood-bye. I amsorryyouwon't letmelookatthepictureonceagain. Butthatcan't behelped. I quiteunderstandwhatyoufeelaboutit."